MOO-cows Mailing List Archive
The FDSFG has just released an anouncement of a new virus that is spreading
the Internet. This virus infects all OS, and even can damage your machine
at the hardware level.
IF YOU HAVE A COMPUTER, DO NOT TURN IT ON!
TURNING ON YOUR COMPUTER CAUSES THE SPREAD OF THE VIRUS.
The virus, discovered last week by Dr. Hackinscratch at the U of Blowme, is
nicknamed "The User". This virus causes data loss and overbilling, wasted
time, broken homes, and people getting laid off.
IF YOU MUST TURN ON YOUR COMPUTER, DO NOT USE IT, GO HOME INSTEAD.
IN ORDER FOR YOUR COMPUTER TO NOT BE EFFECTED AT ALL, YOU MUST NOT EVEN LOOK
AT YOUR COMPUTER, AND ESPECIALLY DON'T GIVE IT THE EVIL EYE!
The virus works by examing your harddrive and causing eye strain, and it
opens numerous copies of the Solitiare game (on Windows based OS), and
Nethack under UNIX. Eventually, all computer resources are used by the
virus, leaving no access for people to get actual work done. In an effort
to make it look like your computer is doing something, it will automaticly
start up the virus detection software, if you have it installed, and if it
doesn't, it will install it for you. The virus is completely undetectable
I REPEAT, DO NOT TURN ON YOUR COMPUTER. UNPLUG IT! SMASH THE MONITOR!
THROW IT OUT THE WINDOW NOW!!!!
The very act of trying to find out where the virus is on your computer makes
it more powerful. Do not attempt to erradicate the virus from your
computer, this will only make it worse.
Note that the virus does not spread through email, so it is safe to read
email messages with the title 'READ ME NOW' or 'Good Times', etc. But keep
in mind that the very act of reading email with a computer causes the spread
of this virus.
We are, essentially, doomed.
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