Budget Cuts! nyuk

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I just received this from our corporate travel office!

Forwarded from Vic Serbe (vic@cd.com):

 TRAVEL GUIDELINES:
 Due to budget constraints, the following corporate policies are announced
 regarding employee travel for company business.  The policies are effective
 immediately.
 TRANSPORTATION:
 Hitchhiking in lieu of commercial transportation is now recommended.
 Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their
 departure on company business trips.  Bus service will be the prime method
 of transportation.  Airline tickets will only be authorized for purchase in
 extreme circumstances and only the lowest fares will be used.  If, for
 example, a meeting is scheduled in Seattle, but a lower fare can be obtained
 by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be substituted for
 travel to Seattle.
 LODGING
 All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives or friends while on
 company business.  If weather permits, public areas such as parks and
 parking lots should be used as temporary lodging.  Bridges can provide
 shelter in periods of inclement weather.
 MEALS
 Meal expenses are cut  to the absolute minimum.  It should be noted that
 some grocery chains, such as General Nutrition and Piggly Wiggly, often
 provide free samples of promotional items.  Entire meals may be obtained in
 this manner.  Travelers should also become familiar with indigenous roots,
 berries, and other protein sources available enroute to their destination.
 If restaurants must be utilized, travelers should seek places offering "all-
 you-can-eat" salad bars and stock up for a few days.  This will be
 especially cost effective for employees traveling together, as a single
 plate could be used to feed an entire group.  Employees are encouraged to
 bring their own food while on company business.  Cans of tuna fish, Spam,
 Pork-n-Beans, Beef-a-Roni, Ramen Pride Noodles, etc. can be conveniently
 consumed at your leisure without the unnecessary bother of heating or other
 costly preparation.
 ENTERTAINMENT
 Entertainment while traveling is strictly discouraged.  If such
 extravagances are required to customer contacts, the customer should be
 encouraged to "pick up the tab".  Such action will save the company money,
 and will convince our customers that we are concerned about providing a good
 product and not about spending money on useless frivolities.  The
 hospitality provided to customers who visit our facilities should also be
 tasteful, yet cost effective.  In lieu if extravagant dinners, a picnic
 bench will be provided in the parking lot, next to the dumpster, and a
 garden hose will be made available so that liquid refreshment can be
 furnished to our guests.
 MISCELLANEOUS
 All employees are encouraged to employ innovative techniques in our team
 effort to save corporate dollars.  One enterprising individual has suggested
 that money raised during airport layover periods could be used to defray
 travel costs.  In support of this idea, "Red Caps" will be issued to all
 departing employees, so that they may earn tips by helping other travelers
 with their luggage.  Small plastic roses will also be issued so timely sales
 may be made.

-- 
Vic Serbe (vic@cd.com), Applications Engineer/MIS/Webmaster
Central Data Corp. - Makers of the SCSI/Etherlite Terminal/Modem Servers
800/482-0315 or (+1) 217/366-9237 (MAIN 359-8010) (FAX 359-6904)
WWW: http://www.cd.com/    Ftp: ftp.cd.com