When the professor says.... nyuk, nyuk

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Greetings Saints in Jesus name!

For everyone out there that want's to decipher what the professor
is really saying..... enjoy!

Bro Tyler

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When professors say this . . .They really mean this!

* This needs some minor revision.
  I never actually got around to reading this.

* My office hours are by appointment only.
  I like to get out of here early.

* Ten percent of your grade is based on class participation.
  I'll be fudging your grades.

* This won't be on the test.
  Nap time!

* Bring the text to class.
  I don't have a clue how to lecture--we'll just kill time with group
  read-alongs.

* Talk to the department secretary.
  Get lost.

* Talk to me in my office after class.
  Get out of my face.

* The tests will all be multiple-choice.
  I take questions directly from the study guide and 
  have grad students do all my grading.

* Don't come in late during my lecture.
  I have the attention span of a fruit fly.

* Save your questions until the end.
  See above.

* The final will be comprehensive.
  I'll expect you to recapitulate in two hours 
  everything I couldn't
  fully cover myself in 15 weeks.

* Everyone will prepare in-class oral presentations.
  This course is outside my specialty--I'll just bluff it and let YOU
  teach.

* There are two TAs available to help you.
  I can't be bothered.

* This year I'll be scaling the grades.
  I just passed tenure review.

* Let's break up into quiet discussion groups.
  I have a hangover.

* Let's have class outdoors today!
  I had beans for lunch.

* You won't be able to sell back the text to the bookstore.
  My contract wasn't picked up.

* Please note the last day to withdraw.
  The midterm's gonna be a killer!

* The answer to number 4 is "b," and just skip number 17.
  I only got around to making up the test last night.

* The second list is optional reading.
  I have a rich fantasy life.

* I haven't had a chance to make up the syllabus for this course yet.
  The idiot department chair stuck me with teaching this course at the
  last possible minute.

* Well, it was on the syllabus.
  I'll hold you responsible for this even though I 
  forgot about it myself.

* We'll just skip the term paper this semester.
  There wasn't enough in the budget for a TA.

* Bring a number 2 pencil to the exam.
  See above.

* Attendance is required and will be counted in your grade.
  I'm so boring that no one would show up otherwise

* Read chapters 5 through 10.
  I'm not coming in at all next week

* We'll have to cover this chapter quickly.
  I screwed up the lecture schedule.

* Let's go over the exam.
  Half of you failed.

* It was in the textbook.
  I pulled it out of thin air.

* I'm postponing today's exam.
  There's stuff on the exam I forgot to cover.

* Don't write on the question sheet.
  I'm so lazy I just use the same exams every semester.