Insurance Nyuk-Nyuks

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Hope you enjoy these. 

Bro. Jerry Horn
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Thousands of drivers nationwide have been involved in automobile accidents
and the insurance rigmarole that follows afterward.  Filling out the myriad
and often confusing insurance claim forms can befuddle even the most
stalwart semanticist.  The following are actual excerpts from various auto
insurance company files in California:

1.  Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I
don't have.

2.  The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.

3.  I thought my window was down but I found out it was up when I put my
hand through it.

4.  I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

5.  A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.

6.  A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

7.  The guy was all over the road:  I had to swerve a number of times before
I hit him.

8.  I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and
headed over the embankment.

9.  In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

10.  I had been shopping for plants all day, and was on my way home.  As I
reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision.  I did not
see the other car.

11.  I had been driving my car for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel
and had an accident.

12.  I was on my way to the doctors with rear end trouble when my universal
joint gave way causing me to have an accident.

13.  My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.

14.  To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front of me I struck the
pedestrian.

15.  I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle.
The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries.

16.  As I approached the intersection a stop sign suddenly appeared at a
place where no stop sign had ever appeared before.  I was unable to stop in
time to avoid the accident.

17.  An invisible car came out of nowhere and struck my vehicle - and vanished.

18.  I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat I
found that I had a skull fracture.

19.  I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the
roadway when I struck him.

20.  The pedestrian had no idea what direction to go, so I ran over him.

21.  I saw the slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off my car.

22.  The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car
with a big mouth.

23.  I was thrown from my car as it left the road.  I was later found in a
ditch by some stray cows.

24.  The telephone pole was approaching fast.  I was attempting to swerve
out of its path when it struck my front end.