Assorted .... nyuk, nyuk's

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THE DIET

Mr. Smith was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.

"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat
this procedure for 2 weeks.  The next time I see you, you'll have
lost 5 pounds."

When Mr. Smith returned, he had lost nearly 20 pounds.  "Why, that's
amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

Mr. Smith nodded.  "I'll tell you 'though, I thought I was going to
drop dead by the end of that 3rd day."

"From hunger, you mean?"

"No, from skipping!"

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Dear              :

Thank you for leaving [01] tooth under your pillow last night.

While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case
of lost or stolen children's teeth, we were unable to process your
request for the following reason(s) indicated below:

( ) the tooth could not be found
( ) it was not a human tooth
( ) we do not think that pieces of chicken bone are very funny
( ) we were unable to approach the tooth due to excessive odor
( ) the tooth has previously been redeemed for cash
( ) the tooth did not originally belong to you
( ) the tooth fairy does not process fingernails
( ) your request has been forwarded to the Nerve Ending Fairy for
    appropriate action 
( ) you were overheard to state that you do not believe in the tooth
    fairy 
( ) you are age 12 or older at the time your request was received 
( ) the tooth is still in your mouth 
( ) the tooth was guarded by a vicious fairy-eating dog at the time
    of our visit 
( ) no nightlight was on at the time of our visit 
( ) the snacks provided for the tooth fairy were not satisfactory,
    or were missing 
( ) we discovered evidence of unsafe tooth extraction as follows:
        [  ] string
        [  ] pliers
        [  ] gunpowder
        [  ] hammer marks
        [  ] chisel
        [  ] part of skull attached to tooth
        [  ] no dental care
( ) other:

Instead of the usual cash redemption, we have provided the following
certificate which you may attempt to exchange at a retail store near
you. Thank you for your request, and we look forward to serving you in
the future.

Sincerely,



The Tooth Fairy
--
Many of my titles:  Husband, Father, Programmer, Webmaster, Son, Worker,
 Analyst, Saint, Usher, Singer, Surfer, Skateboarder, Owner/Moderator,
 Arbitrator, Shopper, Talker, Writer, Sitter, Squatter, Runner, Reader,
 Walker ...           

Several offices, one identity --- Tyler Nally <tgnally@prairienet.org>