HOW TO BE ANNOYING

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by way of Roderic Dohleman (R & D Computer Solutions) wrote:
 
 HOW TO BE ANNOYING
 ==================
 I received this from a friend and highlighted the ones I REALLY liked!
 
 Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and
 insist to others that you "like it that way".
 
 Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
 
 Staple papers in the middle of the page.
 
 Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy
 warnings.
 
 Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
 
 Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
 
 Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
 
 Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
 
 Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public
 consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
 
 Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor
 off.
 
 Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the
 volume properly adjusted.
 
 Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
 
 Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
 
 Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of
 rental movies.
 
 Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their
 complementary mints by the cash register.
 
 Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
 
 Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's
 "Metal Machine Music".
 
 Leave someones printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.
 
 Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole
 streets.
 
 Pay for your dinner with pennies.
 
 Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
 
 Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's
 roadmaps.
 
 Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assasination/UFO/
 OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
 
 Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?"
 "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
 
 Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
 
 Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
 
 Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
 
 When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until
 physically restrained.
 
 Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
 
 As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
 
 Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
 
 Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
 
 Name your dog "Dog".
 
 Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
 
 Ask people what gender they are.
 
 Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
 
 Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts
 back in the tray.
 
 Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern
 Drawl.
 
 Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was
 a "real hoot".
 
 Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that
 you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
 
 Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch
 with a can of Lysol.
 
 Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains,
 such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers
 theme song.
 
 While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a
 parakeet.
 
 Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
 
 Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. (BRENT)
 
 Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
 
 Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being
 first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand
 that people pronounce each A.
 
 Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see
 if they slow down.
 
 Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
 
 Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people
 play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
 
 Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed
 is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
 
 Sing along at the opera.
 
 Mow your lawn with scissors.
 
 At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
 
 Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with
 prophesy".
 
 Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers
 in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
 
 Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing
 awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more
 any moment.
 
 Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your
 ears.
 
 Send fifty copies of this list to everyone you know.