lotsa humor ...

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Rules For Driving in Atlanta:     

1. Never, EVER slow down when the light turns yellow. If you're
within half a block of a stop light when it turns yellow, put the
pedal to the metal.

2. When attempting to enter a street from any parking lot, make sure
that at least the front third of your car is sticking out into the
nearest lane.

3. When it starts raining, completely lose your ability to drive and
act like you've never done it before.

4. Using your turn signals is absolutely prohibited, except in
limited circumstances. Like when you're 5 feet from the corner. NEVER
when you're making a right turn and someone is waiting to pull out
into YOUR lane.

5. Red lights are only TRULY red five seconds after the yellow light
goes out.

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ANYWAY
People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest people with the biggest ideas can be shot down
by the smallest people with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for the underdog anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help, but may attack you if you help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you've got and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

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All I Need To Know About Life I learned From Trees 

   It's important to have roots.

   In today's complex world, it pays to branch out.

   Don't pine away over old flames.

   If you really believe in something, don't be afraid to go out on a limb.

   Be flexible so you don't break when a harsh wind blows.

   Sometimes you have to shed your old bark in order to grow.

   If you want to maintain accurate records, keep a log.

   To be politically correct, don't wear firs.

   Grow where you're planted.

   It's perfectly okay to be a late bloomer.

   Avoid people who would like to cut you down.
 
   Get all spruced up when you have a hot date.

   If the party gets boring, just leaf.

   You can't hide your true colors as you approach the autumn of your life.

   It's more important to be honest than poplar.

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Dismal comments and questions about contemporary life

Milton Berle said it best: The trouble with life is, by the time you
can read a girl like a book, your library card has expired.

They say the safest room to be in during a storm is the bathroom, but
what if your bathroom isn't in the house?

Billy the Kid would not have been quite as ferocious if he had been
nicknamed: Billy El Ni-o.

VIAGRA: A Very Important Activity Gets Renewed Attention.

You're getting old when you don't care where your wife goes, as long
as you don't have to go along.

Clinton's finally being truthful when he says he's not Nixon. He's
much closer to Warren Harding.

My friend told me he doesn't believe in superstition. He says that
would be bad luck.

If you are wondering what is wrong with the kids of today, take a look
at their parents.

My husband has the perfect answer for the telemarketers who call after
he gets home from work: "I'm sorry, but my office hours are 9 to 5."

Newt Gingrich is sympathetic minus the sym.

Why do I get the feeling that my dog gets better care from our vet
than I do from my doctor?

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~One~
     
      One song can spark a moment, 
            One flower can wake the dream.

      One tree can start a forest, 
           One bird can herald spring.

      One smile begins a friendship, 
           One handclasp lifts a soul.

      One star can guide a ship at sea, 
           One word can frame the goal.

      One vote can change a nation, 
           One sunbeam lights a room.

      One candle wipes out darkness, 
           One laugh will conquer gloom.

      One step must start each journey, 
           One word must start each prayer.

      One hope will raise our spirits, 
           One touch can show you care.

      One voice can speak with wisdom, 
           One heart can know what's true.

      One life can make the difference, 
      
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::          

It's never the situation, it's your reaction to the situation.

 The way you react to circumstances determines your feelings.
 Your quality of life is determined not by what life brings to you,
 but by the attitude you have towards life.
 
 What happens to you is less significant than what happens within you.
 You cannot always control your circumstances,
 but you can control your own thoughts.
 
 Your life at any time can become difficult;
 Your life at any time can become easy.
 It all depends upon how you adjust to life.
 
 It is not your position but your disposition that matters.

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Being Naive About Designer Water, June 25, 1997

Until a couple of years ago, things were simple. If you got thirsty you'd walk
over to the water fountain and take a swig. Or maybe you'd pop the top on a
soda. But designer water has arrived. And things have gotten a lot more
complicated. Here with his take on this overflow, is Bob Langford.

On a hot summer day, everyone is carrying around a bottle of water. But be
honest... once that designer water bottle is empty, don't you just go to the
water fountain and refill it?  There are some who swear their lips never touch
water that has come out of a spicket. But is it the water? Or the bottle? We
thought it was time for a little experiment.

We took three of your more well-known waters: Evian from France, Crystal
Geyser from the mountains of California, and Triton from Burlington, North
Carolina. We poured them down the drain and filled them up with good old
standard-issue Raleigh drinking water.

So which "bottle" did testers like best?

"I like the Evian better."
"Actually this one tastes like drinking out of a stream."
"I like the Evian better. Much better."

So the winning "bottle" is Evian from France. Then again, you 
know what Evian spelled backwards is...

By the way, right on the bottle, it says "Do not refill."

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Observations of WOMEN About MEN...

How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
   we cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle

How do men exercise on the beach?
   by sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
   make him wear shoes

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    one-He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve
    around him.

What did God say after creating man?
   I can do so much better.

What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
   Any place without a drive-up window.

What do you call a handcuffed man?
   trustworthy

What do you call a man with half a brain?
   gifted

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Albert Einstein said.....

  "Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more
violent. It takes a touch of genius and a lot of courage to move in the
opposite direction."

   "Imagination is more important than knowledge."

   "The only real valuable thing is intuition."

   "Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler."

   "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."

   "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources." 

   "The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education." 

   "The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has 
    its own reason for existing."





tnally@iquest.net