Aircraft warranty survey ... nyuk, nyuk's

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This was actually posted very briefly on a well known military
aircraft manufacturer's website by an employee there who obviously 
has a sense of humor. The company, of course, does not (have a 
sense of humor) and made the web department take it down immediately.

-----

Thank you for purchasing a military aircraft. In
order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to
fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey
questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop
new products that best meet your needs and desires.

1.

[_] Mr.      [_] Mrs.        [_] Ms.    [_] Lt.  [_]  Gen.
[_] Comrade  [_] Classified  [_] Other
First Name: ............... Initial: .. Last Name: ...............
Code Name:  ..............  Password: ........ (max 8 char)
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: .... .... ....

2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?

[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 19../../..

4. Serial Number: ..............................

5. Please check where this product was purchased:

[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalog showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified

6. Please check how you became aware of the product
you have just purchased:

[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one

7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your
decision to purchase this product:

[_] Speed / maneuverability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:

[_] Iraq
[_] North America
[_] Central / South America
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Classified

9. How would you describe yourself or your organization?
(Check all that apply:)

[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal

10. Your occupation:

[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defense Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student

11. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate
the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy
participating on a regular basis:

[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Sabotage
[_] Propaganda / disinformation
[_] Destabilization / overthrow
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction
[_] Fashion clothing

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your
answers will be used in market studies that will help us 
serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to
receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments,
extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.

As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to
win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

A country boy and his father, who came from a small town in Georgia,
were visiting a mall on their first trip to the city of Atlanta. They
were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two
shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.

The boy asked his father, "What is that?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have
never seen anything like this in my life -- I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a
wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The
walls opened and the lady rolled between them and into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as the small
circles of light with numbers above the wall lit up. They continued to
watch and the circles of light started moving in the reverse
direction.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old woman stepped
out.

The father kneeled and whispered to his son, "Go get your mother."
--
 ______ ___   __ _____ __    __   __  __ tnally@iquest.net tnally@mcp.com
|_    _|   \ |  |  _  |  |  |  |  \ \/ / tgnally@prairienet.org
  |  | |  |\\|  |  _  |  |__|  |__ |  |  T. Nally - "A M.I.M.E. is a
  |__| |__| \___|_| |_|_____|_____||__|  a terrible thing to waste."