Humor

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 Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers . . . 
   
    I remember when the candle shop burned down. 
   Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday". 
   
    I accidentally installed the deer whistles on my car backwards. 
   Now everywhere I go, I'm chased by a herd of deer.
   
    Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out. 
   
   I was hitchhiking the other day, and a hearse stopped. 
   I said, "No thanks - I'm not going that far."
   
   I played a blank tape on full volume. 
   The mime who lived next door complained.
   So I shot him with a gun with a silencer. 
     
    I make my own water - two glasses of H, one glass of O. 
   
   Ballerinas are always on their toes.
   Why don't they just get taller ballerinas? 
   
     What a nice night for an evening. 
   
   Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?