Star Trek meets Dr. Seuss ... nyuk, nyuk

Tyler Nally (tnally@csci.csc.com)
Fri, 02 Aug 1996 14:12:31 CDT


Greetings Saints in Jesus name!

If there be any closet trekkies out there here's a pretty good
nyuk, nyuk that landed in my email box this morning.  If you aren't
aware of the characters of Star Trek's "The Next Generation" show,
then you'll probably not appreciate the humor contained herein.

Enjoy!

Bro. Tyler

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                  Star Trek, The Next Generation   
                      (The Dr. Seuss version)


Picard:   Sigma Indri, that's the star,
          So, Data, please, how far? How far?

Data:     Our ship can get there very fast
          But still the trip will last and last
          We'll have two days til we arrive
          But can the Indrans there survive?
 
Picard:   LaForge, please give us factor nine.

LaForge:  But, sir, the engines are offline!

Picard:   Offline! But why? I want to go!
          Please make it so, please make it so!

Riker:    But sir, if Geordi says we can't,
          We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't
          The danger here is far too great!

Picard:   But surely we must not be late!

Troi:     I'm sensing anger and great ire.

Computer: Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire!

Picard:   The ship's on fire? How could this be?
          Who lit the fire?

Riker:    Not me.

Worf:     Not me.

Picard:   Computer, how long til we die?

Computer: Eight minutes left to say goodbye.

Data:     May I suggest a course to take?
          We could, I think, quite safely make
          Extinguishers from tractor beams
          And stop the fire, or so it seems...

Geordi:   Hurray! Hurray! You've saved the day!
          Again I say, Hurray! Hurray!

Picard:   Mr. Data, thank you much.
          You've saved our lives, our ship, and such.

Troi:     We still must save the Indran planet --

Data:     Which (by the way) is made of granite...

Picard:   Enough, you android. Please desist.
          We understand -- we get your gist.
          But can we get our ship to go?
          Please, make it so, PLEASE make it so.

Geordi:   There's sabotage among the wires
          And that's what started all the fires.

Riker:    We have a saboteur? Oh, no!
          We need to go! We need to go!

Troi:     We must seek out the traitor spy
          And lock him up and ask him why.

Worf:     Ask him why? How sentimental.
          I say we give him problems dental.

Troi:     Are any Romulan ships around?
          Have scanners said that they've been found? 
          Or is it Borg or some new threat
          We haven't even heard of yet?
          I sense no malice in this crew.
          Now what are we supposed to do?

Crusher:  Captain, please, the Indrans need us.
          They cry out, "Help us, clothe us, feed us!" 
          I can't just sit and let them die!
          A doctor MUST attempt -- MUST try!

Picard:   Doctor, please, we'll get there soon.

Crusher:  They may be dead by Tuesday noon.

*COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK
HOW LONG WILL THESE DUMB ADS TAKE?*

Crusher:  Now let's get our ship to fly
          And orbit yonder Indran sky!

Picard:   LaForge, please tell me we can go...?

Geordi:   Yes, sir, we can.

Picard:   Then make it so!