Fw: Java addict (nyuk, nyuk)

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<---- Begin Forwarded Message ---->

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Subject:      ALERT TO ALL PARENTS
From:         frank@nnrp.info.ucla.edu
Date:         1996/07/23
Message-Id:   <4t3ap1$qbq@uni.library.ucla.edu>
Organization: University of California, Los Angeles
Keywords:     ALERT TO ALL PARENTS
Newsgroups:   comp.lang.java
Summary:      ALERT TO ALL PARENTS
 
 
 ************ALERT TO ALL PARENTS**********
 
WARNING TO PARENTS:  If you have a child who is a programmer or know
anyone who does, regardless of their ages you should read this!  A form of
programming language, called "Java" is being exposed to young programmers 
everywhere.

It is a small, object-oriented, platform-independent multi-threaded, 
dynamic, general-purpose, postage-stamp sized programming environment.  
These young programmers, after having seen countless Web pages with Java 
animations of jumping Duke---a triangle shaped creature with no eyes and a 
big red nose---are being led to believe that Java can be used to build 
large-scale, mission critical applications!
 
The moisture and oils in your brains will react quickly with Java, SIMPLY
READING ABOUT IT is likely to make you think that Java is good for
anything more than Web Page animations!  It has been confirmed that some
implementations of Java contain deadly amounts of Hype, an even more potent 
drug!  THERE HAVE BEEN SEVERAL DEATHS FROM JAVA OVERDOSES, AND MORE DUE TO 
THE HYPE.  JAVA is ESCTREMELY DANGEROUS AND EXTREMELY ADDICTING.
 
Symptoms to watch for include: hallucinations, grand visions of Java,
mood swings, a false sense of security and speed, uncontrolled laughter,
images of networks of Java machines, drop in body temperature, visions of a 
world without Microsoft, dizziness, severely dilated pupils with a Duke 
image burnt into the retina, and frequent vomiting.  Persons infected with 
Java have been shown to react violently to the phrases "Java is not secure" 
or "Java is too slow".
 
Up to an hour can pass between contact with Java and the beginning of the
Java "trip".  If you suspect that your young programmer has become a victim 
of Java, you must take him or her immediately to the hospital and call the 
police.

Java is usually contracted through a seemingly innocuous Web link, but it
has been reported to have been contracted through the general press.  By far
the Web link contraction method is the most common.  You are advised to call 
the police immediately if you find anyone suspicious talking about the 
benefits of Java to young Programmers.

NOTE:  Please feel free to reproduce this article and spread it within
your community and work place.  This danger to our young programmers must be
made known.  Distribute the warning as wide as you can, this is growing 
faster than we can warn parents and young programmers.

<----  End Forwarded Message  ---->

Bradley E. Young   Chief Bottle Washer
byoung@spry.com    +1.206.957.8249
He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.