ANNOUNCE: NEW WEB LANGUAGE (nyuk, nyuk)

• Messages sorted by:[ date ][ thread ][ subject ][ author ]

<---- Begin Forwarded Message ---->

> From: dai@eskimo.com (Davidson Corry)
> Subject: ANNOUNCE: NEW WEB LANGUAGE  (humor)(?)
> X-Nntp-Posting-Host: eskimo.com
> Message-ID: <DvIzAF.D0H@eskimo.com>
> Lines: 113
> Sender: news@eskimo.com (News User Id)
> Organization: Eskimo North (206) For-Ever
> X-Newsreader: NewsWerthy 1.82 (unregistered)
> Date: Fri, 2 Aug 1996 19:25:26 GMT
> 
> [ tongue-in-cheek mode ON ]
> 
> 
> 
>        ANNOUNCEMENT: A NEW PROGRAMMING LANGUAGE FOR THE WEB
> 
>   The notion of "executable content" -- computer programs which are
> automatically distributed and performed when a person traverses the
> internetwork popularly known as the "World Wide Web" -- has gained
> significant currency in recent discussions.
> 
>   A large fraction of the dialogue has been dominated by advocates of a
> programming language named Java.  While the Java language exhibits some
> admirable features, we believe that it pays insufficient attention to
> issues of program correctness and appropriate behavior.  We are further
> dismayed by the incessant stridency with which its disciples proffer it
> to the international computing community -- characteristics which are
> well-known in the unfortunates addicted to the noxious fluid for which
> it is named.
> 
>   It is with a moue of distaste, then, that we announce a dignified
> medium for executable content, the Darjeeling(R)** programming language.
> 
> DESIGN PHILOSOPHY
> 
>   Any civilized system must necessarily be based upon the concept of
> Class.  We applaud languages such as Java and C++ for recognizing this
> fundamental truth.  However, both of those languages make the mistake of
> granting too much freedom to inheritors, resulting in profligate and
> indiscriminate creation of child classes.
> 
>   For example, in Java a child class may use the keyword "extends" to
> inherit from virtually any existing class.  Java makes a weak attempt to
> regain control with the "final" keyword, but, as with many so-called
> parenting techniques in this dissolute age, this is too little, too
> late.
> 
>   Likewise, both C++ and Java permit forms of multiple inheritance, Java
> in the limited form of a class that "implements" additional interfaces.
> Any socially-aware person will tell you that such mixed breeding
> inevitably leads to disaster.
> 
> INHERITANCE MODEL
> 
>   Darjeeling avoids this error by removing control of inheritance from
> the child and restoring it to the parent, where it belongs.  A
> Darjeeling parent class grants inheritance to a child of its choosing,
> using the "begets" keyword.  The consequences of this simple design
> change are enormous.
> 
>   The alert student will have realized that this implies that all
> Darjeeling classes ultimately derive from a single progenitor class,
> which is known as
> 
>                 darjeeling.family.Patriarch
> 
> All members of the darjeeling.family package must depend on Patriarch to
> grant them their behaviors, and in fact their very existence.  They are
> aware that they must toe the line and do as they are told, or they will
> be cut off without a dime when Patriarch's finalizer method is invoked.
> You will be surprised at how this cuts down on maintenance.
> 
>   To further enforce this behavior, multiple inheritance is disallowed.
> (Since class WeirdUncleHarold has been cut out of the darjeeling.family
> and institutionalized in a self-referencing Web link, it would do you no
> good, anyway.)
> 
> VISIBILITY RULES
> 
>   Darjeeling has no member visibility keywords such as Java/C++'s
> "public", "private" and "protected".  The propriety enforced by the
> inheritance model renders them unnecessary.
> 
>   All Darjeeling class members, both methods and data, are implicitly
> private.  Properly raised, a gentleclass will know when, where, how and
> with whom to manipulate its private members.
> 
> NETWORKING
> 
>   The upper classes +invented+ networking.  Don't be silly.
> 
> SECURITY
> 
>   Java relies on techniques such as bytecode verification and
> authentication of trusted sites to provide a limited safety check on
> Web-based programs.  This check takes place at the receiving site.
> 
>   Again, Darjeeling eliminates this problem by turning it on its head.
> When accessed at the provider's site, a Darjeeling program will first
> research the accessor.  Only if he or she is of the proper breeding and
> social status will Darjeeling grant the privilege of executing the
> program.  No greater security is needed, or indeed possible.
> 
> AVAILABILITY
> 
>   If you were the sort of person who should be using Darjeeling, you
> would already know how to get it.  How did you get in here, anyway?
> Are you a member?
> 
> 
>                                   Mrs. Winifred M. "Mimsy" Fosgate
>                                   Corresponding Secretary for
>                                   The Daughters of Darjeeling**
>                                   http://www.ladiesoffinelineage.org
> 
> 
> ** "Darjeeling" and the distinctive "silver teapot" sigil
>      are registered trademarks of the DoD.
> 
> 
> 
>   [ please return your tongues to their upright and locked position. ]
>                                   [ thanks for flying comp.lang.java ]

<----  End Forwarded Message  ---->

Bradley E. Young   Chief Bottle Washer
byoung@spry.com    +1.206.957.8249
He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.