Serious about Computers ... nyuk, nyuk

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>>>>> "Tyler" == Tyler Nally <tnally@csci.csc.com> writes:

    Tyler> Greetings Saints in Jesus name!  This is for all of you
    Tyler> computer junkies out there.... enjoy!

    Tyler> Bro. Tyler

    Tyler> =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

    Tyler>           YOU KNOW YOU'RE TOO SERIOUS ABOUT COMPUTERS...

    Tyler> If you did an error-free installation of Windows 95.
I don't *DO* Microsoft; I do Unix!
    Tyler> If no one can reach you by phone since your computer is
    Tyler> always online.
Not to worry, we have 4 phone lines at my house!
    Tyler> If you log-off your system because it's time to go to work.
I log into my system because its time to go to work!
    Tyler> If you call in sick because you found a great new WWW site.
I don't call in sick; I email in sick!
    Tyler> If you can type your top 10 favorite Web sites, by heart.
Never counted them.
    Tyler> If you can locate a particular home page without using a
    Tyler> search engine.
My home page has links to them.
    Tyler> If you can write your own html page.
I did.
    Tyler> If you download more than 20Mb from a binary newsgroup, in
    Tyler> one session.
I usually use ftp distribution sites, but ocassionally I will use
a *MODERATED* binary newsgroup.  20 MB is not all that much...
    Tyler> If while reading a magazine, you look for the Zoom icon for
    Tyler> a better look at a photograph.
Duh?
    Tyler> You comment, while watching a sunset, that the image would
    Tyler> be enhanced with 10% more magenta and a higher resolution.
My screen is monochrome :-(
    Tyler> When you discover there is no little car icon with a
    Tyler> forward arrow on the dashboard of your car, to make it go.
I do not like computers in my cars!
    Tyler> When you think the File/Kill command should apply to your
    Tyler> system administrator.
I *AM* the sysadm!
    Tyler> When you find it easier to dial-up the National Weather
    Tyler> Service Weather/your_town/now.html than to simply look out
    Tyler> the window.
My computer has the local weather from the national weather service
on the root screen all the time :-)
    Tyler> When you start using phrases like:
    Tyler> Hungry.must-eat.food.now@home
That sounds like my 13 year old daughter, Krystl.
    Tyler> If you have a heart attack when you forgot to pay your
    Tyler> phone bill and receive a "pending disconnection of service"
    Tyler> notice.
That would put me out of business, literally!
    Tyler> When you order most of what you buy... online.
I never buy online: no debit cards, no credit cards, no mark no beast!
    Tyler> If your fingers quit moving because you've been online for
    Tyler> 36 hours.
My fingers are in better shape than that!
    Tyler> When you log-off from a session in your favorite
    Tyler> newsgroup... and your log reads: Online time: 56 hours 24
    Tyler> minutes.
My machine is *ALWAYS* connected to the net.
    Tyler> If your net provider suggests you try a competitor, because
    Tyler> you're exceeding 300 hours a month, connect time.
They like me.  I send them a fat check every month.
    Tyler> When you upgrade your modem for the third time
About once a year.  ISDN is next :-)
    Tyler> When you get a dedicated phone line.
I have had one since 1988.
    Tyler> You access Microsoft's Web page every Sunday morning for
    Tyler> Brother Bill's sermon.
NEVER!!!
    Tyler> When that 112Gb hard drive is full.
It is easier to add another drive than to clean up an old one :-)
    Tyler> If 133 Mhz is simply too slow.
Any given speed is *ALWAYS* too slow!
    Tyler> When your desk collapses under the weight of your computer
    Tyler> peripherals.
Most of the periphs are in the other room.  My desk colapses from
the weight of the reference manuals on it!
    Tyler> If you have an "online" light installed on your car to tell
    Tyler> you when the engine is running.
The tach does that.
    Tyler> When you discover that in order to drive your car
    Tyler> somewhere, you do not enter an http:// or ftp:// address.
I repeat: no computer in my car!
    Tyler> If you can actually talk to the computers in your new car -
    Tyler> and understand what they say.
Ain't got no computer in my car!
    Tyler> When you modify the programming of your car's computers and
    Tyler> actually get better mileage.
No car computers!
    Tyler> When you can access the Net - via your portable and
    Tyler> cellular phone.
Soon...
    Tyler> If on the way home from work, you use your portable and
    Tyler> cellular phone in your car, to reprogram a Tomahawk
    Tyler> missile, in flight, and redirect it to take out the joker
    Tyler> in the Cadillac who cut you off.
Maybe a Sidewinder, or an AMRAM, or a Sparrow, but I have never worked
on the Tomahawk missle.  The others I have worked on.
    Tyler> If you try to press Alt-F4 to close your car window.
No, I have twm configured so I press the left mouse button while
holding down the left shift key when the mouse cursor is in a
window to iconify it.
    Tyler> When you put a CD-ROM in your car's player.
Cassettes in the car.  There are no sermons on CD that I know of yet :-)
    Tyler> When someone tells you about a great new program and you're
    Tyler> very disappointed to find it's on TV.
Ain't got no TV neither!
    Tyler> If every sentence you utter begins with, "On the Net..."
Not *EVERY* sentence (I don't think...).
    Tyler> If you put your e-mail address in the upper left-hand
    Tyler> corner of envelopes.
My business envelopes have had my email address since 1991.
    Tyler> If you have your e-mail address printed on your stationary.
see above.
    Tyler> If the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing
    Tyler> you do at night is to check your email.
That's right.
    Tyler> If you can't go on vacation because your email box will
    Tyler> overflow.
/usr/spool/mail/rj in on a 2 GB drive.  Not even higher-fire will
overflow that in 2 weeks.
    Tyler> If you have to take your computer with you on vacation to
    Tyler> keep up with the email.
My wife will not allow computers on vacation!
    Tyler> If you maintain more than 6 e-mail addresses.
I only have 1 that I publish.
    Tyler> If you use more than 20 passwords.
I'll never tell!
    Tyler> If you set up your own Web page.
I did.
    Tyler> If you set up a Web page for each of your kids... and your
    Tyler> pets.
They must set up their own, but I will help.
    Tyler> If, instead of a phone number, you ask someone for their
    Tyler> e-mail address.
Guilty as charged.
    Tyler> If you don't know anyone who DOESN'T have an e-mail
    Tyler> addresses.
But I do know some people who never read their email :-(
    Tyler> If you convince your mom that she HAS to get online because
    Tyler> e-mail is so much cheaper than long distance phone charges.
My father and my brother, yes, but my mother: NEVER!
    Tyler> If you can write a list like this.
I guess I could.
    Tyler> If you can relate to a list like this.
I did! :-)

-- 
--------  "And there came a writing to him from Elijah"  [2Ch 21:12]  --------
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