A Diaper Changing Primer for New Fathers ... nyuk, nyuk

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Greetings Saints in Jesus name!

Here's a pretty good diaper changing nyuk, nyuk that was unearthed
as I opened my mailbox after a few days off.  Good advice for those
"New Dad's" out there in respect to changing their kids dirty diapers
.... enjoy!

Bro. Tyler
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                  A Diaper Changing Primer for New Fathers

               by Ronald P. Harper, Jr.   <RonHarper@xc.org>

As a father of five children, I recognize that there is little
written on the subject of diaper changing.  The new father has to
rely on his instinct and whatever he might have gleaned from his
past.

While those born from 1970 onward, have the advantage of a  changing
society's attitude toward fathers and their babies,  those men who
preceded this aforementioned generation were taught that babies were
women's work. This negative attitude and the fact that women still
bear the burden of the  responsibility in regard to children,
prompted me to research this subject.

I found that many men want to help their wives, but lack the skills.
They feel forced into a role that they actually have an  aversion
to: changing diapers. This pamphlet was written for  these men.  

Invariably, this modern thinking father will be called upon to
baby-sit this bundle of joy. In the beginning it's not so bad.  Your
baby will sleep a lot.  Eventually, as you baby-sit more and  more,
the child will at one time or another emit an odoriferous cloud that
will permeate the entire room.  This is your first clue of a dirty
diaper.


Step 1:  Check your watch.  How much time until your wife comes
home? (If you have no doubts about changing this diaper, go to Step
#2. What is the relative discomfort of the child?  Using these
factors, you can possibly avoid changing this dirty diaper.  When
your wife comes home and asks, "Why didn't you change the baby's
diaper?", you can respond one of two ways.  "Why, did he need
changing?" or "I didn't think she was finished."  Although your wife
may force you to change the diaper anyway, at least you have her
advice and possible assistance.  When avoidance is not possible, go
to the next step. 

Step 2:  Ascertain the extent of damage.  Smell does not always
correlate with damage.  A visual inspection is the best way. Peek in
the diaper if the outside view is inconclusive. Believe it  or not, a
small 7 pound baby can have a BM from the neck to the  toes. I could
tell horror stories of socks filled, but I'll  leave that to your
imagination.  If the area involved is extensive, the bath tub is the
best place for diffusing this biological bomb.  

Step 3: Prepare six or more wipes BEFORE dismantling clothes 
WARNING: IF THIS ADVICE IS NOT FOLLOWED, FLAILING FEET MIGHT  IMPACT
THE SOILED AREA CAUSING GREATER DAMAGE

Step 4: Because of a strong gag reflex, new fathers should avoid
prolonged breathing while shedding the clothes.  Upon reaching  the
diaper, take one deep breath and open the diaper.  WARNING:  MALE
CHILDREN REQUIRE ADDITIONAL PROTECTION

Step 5:  Take the 1/2 dozen wipes, one at a time and quickly clean
area effected.  Restrain child in order to avoid further
contamination.  Dispose of wipes and diaper in a plastic bag to
confine odors.

Step 6:  Reassemble with fresh diaper.  Apply powder or A & D 
ointment as needed. WARNING:  DON'T USE BOTH!                       

Step 7:  Congratulate yourself on a job well done.  Remind  yourself
that your father never did this job.

Step 8:  When your wife arrives home, do not brag about your
abilities.  She will call upon you to exercise these skills more and
more.