About this English Language ... nyuk, nyuk

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Greetings Saints in Jesus name!

Wonder why English is so difficult for the children of America to
even pick up?  Ever wonder why the different idioms and plurals
of words just don't follow a pattern?   This nyuk, nyuk may not
tell why for these peculiarities but it sure shows a whole bunch 
of these strange occurances of just wierd English.... enjoy!

Bro. Tyler

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                  English is a Crazy Language

 Let's face it -- English is a crazy language.There is no egg in eggplant
 nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English
 muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.  Sweetmeats
 are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

 We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find
 that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig
 is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

 And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
 groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't
 the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One
 index, 2 indices?

 Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that
 you comb thru annals of history but not a single annal?If you have a
 bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you
 call it?

 If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats
 vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps
 you bote your tongue?

 Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an
 asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a
 play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have
 noses that run and feet that smell?

 How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and
 wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while
 quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell
 one day and cold as hell another?

 Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are
 absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a
 sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone
 who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all
 those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

 You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house
 can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it
 out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.

 English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
 creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all).
 That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
 lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I
 start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

NOTE: Author unknown to me.