PC Tips for Mainframe Nerds ... nyuk,nyuk

Tyler Nally (tnally@csci.csc.com)
Mon, 16 Sep 1996 11:23:09 CDT


Greetings Saints in jesus name!

These are *instructional* tips for those that aren't computer geeks.
For the rest of us... they are nyuk, nyuk's.... enjoy!

Bro. Tyler

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PC Tips for Mainframe Nerds

1.  C++ is not a lower grade than a B--.

2.  A hard drive is not 300 yards with a dog leg.

3.  A device driver is not what you wrap around a tree.

4.  GUI is not a disgusting substance found on the bottom of your
shoe.

5.  A floppy does not refer to your cocker spaniel's ear.

6.  ASCII does not mean you're asking a question.

7.  A mouse is not something your cat plays with.

8.  Windows are not things you crawl through when you forget your
keys.

9.  On-Line Help is not for tightrope walkers.

10. A Dialog Box is not something you say confession in.

11. "Drag-n-Drop" is not what you do when tired after tugging on a
large sack of cement.

12. A pointer is not something you hunt with.

13. RAM is not what you do to the jerk driver in front of you.

14. ROM is not......what is ROM, anyway?

15. Escape is not what you do at the end of a long business day.

16. A Port is not an after dinner wine.

17. An Intercept is not an action play during Monday-Night Football.

18. Interrupt is not what your wife does to you during Monday-Night
Football.

19. GNU is not an indicator of relative age.

20. UNIX are not gelded men.

21. LINUX is not Lucy's brother.

22. GNU is not an animal found on the African plains.

23. A bus is not what you ride to work in.

24. A Default is not found in California.

25. 32 bits is not the equivalent of 16 haircuts.

26. Byte is not what your dog does to the mailman.

27. Boot is not an item of footware.

28. Reboot is not what you do to your dog after he bites the mailman.

29. Modem is not a command given to children on weekends when the lawn
is overgrown.

30. Monitor is not what the government does to you during your every
waking moment...come to think of it, maybe it is!

31. Bits are not used to guide horses.

32. <Altis not a lifestyle.

33. Memory is not something you lose.

34. Config is not an attempt to garner fruit from an innocent kid.

35. Partitions are not used to divide rooms in your house.

36. Segments are not portions of citrus fruit.

37. Basic is not a mode of training in the Army.

38. Pascal is not a measure of atmospheric pressure.

39. API is not an expression of joy in England.

40. A server is not a restaurant employee.

41. A gateway is not an entrance to a farmer's field.

42. Paradox is not an impossible situation.

43. PROM is not a dance for high school students.

44. EPROM is not what the girl yells at a dance after viewing the
apparel of her companion.

45. A Web is not what a spider spins.

46. Java is not a cup of coffee.

47. PERL is not a gem found in an oyster.