What I didn't know about children .... nyuk, nyuk

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What I Didn't know Before I Had Kids
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How many seconds it takes to microwave 4 fish sticks perfectly.

Who John Jacob Jingle Heimershmitt is.

How to change a diaper in the dark, in a parked car, on a standing
child-and all of the above simultaneously.

Which line in Cat in the Hat and If I Ran The Circus can be skipped over
without a child noticing.

How bright a 3 a.m. moon is.

The design marvels of hooded towels, velcro strap shoes and mitten
clips.

Locations of public bathrooms all across towns.

Why anyone would bother retracing their steps for miles just to retrieve
a lost blankie.

That tigers live in the trees in our back yard.

The amazing technicolor variety of infant stool.

How to open a van door while bobbling 2 lunch boxes, two extra coats, a
purse, a diaper bag and a baby.

The fine art of vacumming a floor without hosing up a Barbie shoe or a
Playmobile cannonball.

That solid white socks get lost in the dryer at a much slower rate than
do the mates of pattened socks that coordinate to special outfits.

How little sleep a human body needs to function.

Almost every Disney lyric penned.

How to spell amoxicillin.

That one can never own too many sippy cup lids or refrigerator magnets.

Scientific names of dinosaurs from A-Z.

That reverse psychology really works.

The recipe for homemade version of Play-doh.

That Duplo and Lego block procreate in the night.

The distinctive sounds of Cheerios crunching underfoot.

Why they call them Happy meals.

The names of the Celesteville, Busytown and the Pride Lands (Babar,
Mayor Fox, and Mufasa, Scar and Simba)

How far you can dilute juice and still retain it's taste.

That a man or child can live on peanut butter alone.

That gender inequality starts early in clothing.  Boy's underpants have
a wide band on top, while the waistband and leg holes on girls look the
same, increasing the odds that she'll pull 'em on in tangles or upside
down. Also boys have the tag in the back while girs have the tag on the
left side (or was that the right?)

Sesame Streets air time.

The remarkable resemblance of a state-of-Florida puzzle piece of cheese
(or a plastic hammer, a slay legged Barbie or a piece of cheese sculpted
just so by tiny bites) to a gun.

Translations of myella, babana, panyo, snuck, maldations, nibbles
(vanilla, piano, skunk, dalmations and nipples)

That the more my kids know the less I seem to know.

The blessedness of naps, the inviolate importance of routines.


--                                            
 ______ ___   __ _____ __    __   __  __ tnally@iquest.net
|_    _|   \ |  |  _  |  |  |  |  \ \/ / tgnally@prairienet.org
  |  | |  |\\|  |  _  |  |__|  |__ |  |  T. Nally - "A M.I.M.E. is a
  |__| |__| \___|_| |_|_____|_____||__|  a terrible thing to waste."