Resume bullets ... nyuk, nyuk

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These are actual quotes from REAL resumes gathered over the years:

"I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know
of my immediate availability."

"I intentionally omitted my salary history. I've made money and lost
money. I've been
rich and I've been poor. I prefer being rich."

"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have
never quit a job."

"Personal: I'm married with 9 children. I don't require prescription
drugs."

"Number of dependents: 40."

"Marital Status: Often. Children: Various."

     REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:

"Responsibility makes me nervous."

"They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning.
Couldn't work under those conditions."

"Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as
cockroaches."

"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."

"The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous
employers."

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES: "While I am open to the initial nature of an
assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at
least partially incorporate the
experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to
ultimately lead to the
application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major
sphere of
responsibility."

"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."

SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES: "Please call me after 5:30 because I
am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another
job."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in
meteorology, I
suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant."

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES: "Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian
sheep."

PERSONAL INTERESTS: "Donating blood. 14 gallons so far."

SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:

"Education: College, August 1880-May 1984."

"Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse."

"Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget."

"I'm a rabid typist."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain
operation."


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 ______ ___   __ _____ __    __   __  __ tnally@iquest.net
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  |  | |  |\\|  |  _  |  |__|  |__ |  |  T. Nally - "A M.I.M.E. is a
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