Men....Nyuk Nyuk

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Just thought I would pass these on.....

Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners?
So men can remember them.
 
What's the difference between government bonds and men?
Bonds mature.

What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.

Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already
there.

What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.

Why are men like commercials?
You can't believe a word they say.

Why are men like blenders?
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner?
When the power goes off.

What do men and women have in common?
They both distrust men.

How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and
their guilt gifts?
Guilt gifts are nicer.

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.

How is a man like the weather?
Nothing can be done to change either one of them

What is the difference between a man and childbirth?
One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost
unbearable while the other is just having a baby.

What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman
and a single 40-year-old man?
The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children
and the 40-year-old man thinks often about dating them.

Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and
eliminating hunger. What do men dream of?
Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.

Why don't men often show their true feelings?
Because they don't have any.

Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.

Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.

Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't
work half the time.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

AND, the modern classic:
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know - it's never happened.