Not religious enough ... nyuk, nyuk

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Top Ten Signs You May Not Be Reading Your Bible Enough

10)  You think Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob may have had a few hits during
the 60's.

9) You open to the Gospel of Luke and a W.W.I  savings bond fals out.

8) Your favorite Old Testament Patriarch is Hercules

7) A small family of termites has taken up residence in the Psalms.

6) You become frustrated because Charlton Heston isn't listed in either
the Concordance or the Table of Contents.

5) You think Concordance involves dark grapes and music.

4) The priest asks you to turn to the book of Revelation, and you look
it up in the Table of Contents.

3) You think the Minor Prophets worked in the quarries.

2) You keep falling for it every time when the adult class teacher tells
you to turn to First Condominiums.

And finally, the number one sign that you may not be reading your Bible
enough:

1) The kids keep asking too many questions about your bedtime story:
"Jonah the Shepherd and His Ark of Many Colors."
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TRUISMS If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you
tried. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. He who
hesitates is probably right. Never do card tricks for the group you
play poker with. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view. The
colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it. The
hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach. To steal ideas
from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. To
succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your
principles. Two wrongs are only the beginning. The problem with the
gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. A clear conscience is
usually the sign of a bad memory. Don't sweat petty things... or pet
sweaty things. A fool and his money are soon partying. Money can't
buy love. Get a new car for your spouse--it'll be a great trade!
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. Hard
work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. Eagles may soar,
but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines. Borrow money from
pessimists--they don't expect it back. Half the people you know are
below average. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving
definitely isn't for you! Everyone has a photographic memory. Some
just have film. Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo! If you choke a
smurf, what color does it turn? Who is General Failure and why is he
reading my hard disk? What happens if you get scared half to death
twice? Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. I used to
have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. I couldn't repair
your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Shin: a device for finding
furniture in the dark. How do you tell when you run out of invisible
ink? Laughing stock:  cattle with a sense of humor. Why do psychics
have to ask you for your name? Wear short sleeves! Support your
right to bare arms! For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never
opened, small stain. OK, so what's the speed of dark? Corduroy
pillows: They're making headlines! 


--
 ______ ___   __ _____ __    __   __  __ tnally@iquest.net
|_    _|   \ |  |  _  |  |  |  |  \ \/ / tgnally@prairienet.org
  |  | |  |\\|  |  _  |  |__|  |__ |  |  T. Nally - "A M.I.M.E. is a
  |__| |__| \___|_| |_|_____|_____||__|  a terrible thing to waste."