kitchen measure .... nyuk, nyuk

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~~~  Basic Cooking/Food Terms  ~~~

Arab coffee: Thick, black, bitter coffee, traditionally served in tiny
cups at gunpoint, or found in graduate student's offices.

Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the
average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular
food.

Frying Pan: Standard instrument of destruction for eggs, pancakes, and
various vegetable matter.  Remains may be removed from surface with
diluted solution of sulfuric acid.

Microwave oven: Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of
radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the
cooking compartment.

Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of
meat and poultry.

Porridge: Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since children
were granted the right to sue their parents. The name is an amalgamation
of the words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE."

Preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before
cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food is put
in, in addition to when it is removed.

Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients
you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, for a dish you'll never
make.

Tongue: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the
line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.

Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and
fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the
same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.


--                                            
 ______ ___   __ _____ __    __   __  __ tnally@iquest.net
|_    _|   \ |  |  _  |  |  |  |  \ \/ / tgnally@prairienet.org
  |  | |  |\\|  |  _  |  |__|  |__ |  |  T. Nally - "A M.I.M.E. is a
  |__| |__| \___|_| |_|_____|_____||__|  a terrible thing to waste."