Useful purposes for government

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 The phone rings at KGB headquarters. They answer:
 
 "Hello?"
 
 "Hello, is this KGB?"
 
 "Yes. What do you want?"
 
 "I'm calling to report my neighbor Yankel Rabinovitz as
 an enemy of the State. He is hiding undeclared diamonds
 in his firewood."
 
 "This will be noted."
 
 Next day, the KGB goons come over to Rabinovitz's house.
 They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break
 every piece of wood, find no diamonds, swear at Yankel
 Rabinovitz and leave.
 
 The phone rings at Rabinovitz's house. He answers, "Hello."
 
 "Hello, Yankel!  Did the KGB come?"
 
 "Yes."
 
 "Did they chop your firewood?"
 
 "Yes, they did."
 
 "Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my vegetable patch
 plowed."