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[rjbrown@lucent.com: [kagan@gvmail.ih.lucent.com: Cows]]


I just received this from a co-worker who is a Russian immigrant.

------- Start of forwarded message -------

	I received this mail from my friend. I think it is funny and (based
on my old experience with the different system) very true.

Subject: FW: WORLD IDEOLOGIES EXPLAINED BY REFERE
Author:  Cheryl Hagedorn at CBC-DEERFIELD
Date:    6/17/97 11:14 AM


     
     
 -MOOO
     
WORLD IDEOLOGIES EXPLAINED BY REFERENCE TO COWS 


FEUDALISM

You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.


SOCIALISM

You have two cows.  The government takes them and puts them in a barn
with everyone else's cows.  You have to take care of all the cows.
The government gives you a glass of milk.


FASCISM

You have two cows.  The government takes both, hires you to take care
of them, and sells you the milk.


PURE COMMUNISM

You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker
about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need".
Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead
of starvation.


RUSSIAN COMMUNISM

You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government
takes all the milk.  You steal back as much milk as you can and sell
it on the black market.


PERESTROIKA

You have two cows.  You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes
all the milk.  You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on
the "free" market.


CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM

You have two cows.  The government takes both and shoots you.


DICTATORSHIP

You have two cows.  The government takes both and drafts you.


PURE DEMOCRACY

You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.


REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY

You have two cows.  Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets
the milk.


BUREAUCRACY

You have two cows.  At first the government regulates what you can
feed them and when you can milk them.  Then it pays you not to milk
them.  Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the
milk down the drain.  Then it requires you to fill out forms
accounting for the missing cows.


CAPITALISM

You don't have any cows.  The bank will not lend you money to buy
cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.

PURE ANARCHY

You have two cows.  Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your
neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.


ANARCHO-CAPITALISM

You have two cows.  You sell one and buy a bull.


SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.  The government requires you to take harmonica
lessons.


OLYMPICS-ISM

You have two cows, one American, one Chinese.  With the help of
trilling violins and state of the art montage photography, John Tesh
narrates the moving tale of how the American cow overcame the agony of
growing up in a suburb with (gasp) divorced parents, then mentions in
passing that the Chinese cow was beaten every day by a tyrannical
farmer and watched its parents butchered before its eyes.  The
American cow wins the competition, severely spraining an udder in a
gritty performance, and gets a multi-million dollar contract to
endorse Wheaties.  The Chinese cow is led out of the arena and shot by
Chinese government officials, though no one ever hears about it.
McDonald's buys the meat and serves it hot and fast at its Beijing
restaurant.


AMERICAN CORPORATE CAPITALISM

Both cows are bloated with toxic steroids.  They are set out to graze
on privatized public parks, release massive amounts of flatulence that
destroys the ozone layer, die from excess ultraviolet light, and are
processed into meat-like products that look great as a result of
clever and unprincipled marketing strategies.  When you mortgage your
artificially devalued farm at high interest rates in order to buy
meat, you consume the poisoned material and develop terminal illnesses
because there is no health care plan to treat you.  The corporate
management uses your purchase price to acquire THEIR meat from cows
raised "naturally" on tree-free rain forest land outside of the
country where labor and resources are cheap.

     
- - -------------------------
M. Kaganovich

------- End of forwarded message -------

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--------  "And there came a writing to him from Elijah"  [2Ch 21:12]  --------
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